Mood Indigo requests Don't Ask Don't Tell policy

(This post was not published earlier because we were shut down before it could be up >.< )

In what came as a surprising move, the Mood Indigo team requested for a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy in the upcoming elections.

“Dude, ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies. Cool huh?”, exclaimed an OC candidate when casually asked how he was managing his time so well as to be able to watch 4 movies and go out thrice for dinner while the campaigning season was on.  

“When he asked me to accompany him to Tanu Weds Manu for the second time, I just asked him how he was managing his time in the campaigning week so well. He is a good friend of mine -- obviously I want him to win the elections. I even asked many of my juniors to vote for him,” said Nisarg Vikas, a close friend of the said OC candidate.

When fakeelectionofficer went and talked to other students, it was revealed that while a few MI OC candidates were very comfortable answering questions related to MI events, they suddenly grew agitated and began waving their hand violently when any question began with “If you become the MI OC,...”

Since this is the first time that IB heads are part of the General Elections, political analysts are finding it tough to analyze this behaviour, with one of them saying, “Usually, it is common to see candidates going to all lengths to ensure that they are elected. This new behaviour seems like a major anomaly that we need to study in detail.”

The ECell team was unavailable for comment.

To the opponents of free speech

"Remember one thing about democracy. We can have anything we want and at the same time, we always end up with exactly what we deserve.”
-Edward Albee

Breaking News: Election Kingpin RoSi places self under election blacklist

13th March, 2011

IIT Bombay Campus

After weeks of negotiations FakeElectionOfficer has managed to secure the unconditional surrender of kingpin RoSi. At 3 am on March 13, he called our team and agreed to place himself on the election blacklist to ensure a free and fair election for the campus residents.

File photo of someone who looks similar to the kingpin

The unidentified mastermind, lovingly called RoSi by his ardent followers, talked to our correspondent in a candid hour long interview citing the reasons for this change of heart. "I have come to realize that true democracy can only function when my people will be allowed [sic] to vote in an unbiased manner without any fear or coercion." he said.

He was able to produce several medical documents supporting the fact he suffered from a mental condition that resulted in an obsessive compulsive need to polt. "It is not that I want to do polt. I just have to. I get restless every time I see a junior. I feel this uncontrollable need to tell him/her the right candidates to vote for", he explained with his arms waving wildly.

Now that he has unconditionally agreed to disband his political nexus, campus residents can hope to get a chance to vote in an unbiased election. Many other small time polters are however unsure of the true intentions behind this move. "This was his plan all along. Now that his job is done he is trying to gain sympathy votes. Plain simple second order polt", says a well known political analyst wishing to remain anonymous.

The election office refused to share the real identity of the the suspect as a result of our hard-hitting journalistic style.

Techfest OC Election private publicity propoganda

12th March, 2011
IIT Bombay Campus

In an intriguing twist to Elections 2011, one of our correspondents has got his hands on highly confidential publicity propaganda from the Techfest OC candidate, Vishu Mahajan's camp. It seems in order to convince the team to allow him to be elected unopposed, Mr. Mahajan has put out the following advertisements in his inner circle.

21 year old, Ex-Techfest Manager seeking alliance with Independent Body. Peace and low effort election resulting in selection to Overall Co-ordinator post preferred. AIR 71. CSE student. Techfest preferred but will settle for other IB too. Promises to nurture alliance with great care and love. Only IB not involved with other men/women please!

It seems that the strategy was highly effective as Techfest seems to have rejected all other suitors and accepted Vishu Mahajan's proposal. FakeElectionOfficer wishes to bless their holy union and invites you all to witness the ceremony on 15th March, 2011 at your respective comp-rooms.

GSHA Candidate suspected of sale of indulgences on Campus

12th March, 2011
IIT Bombay Campus

Sources have revealed that one of the 2 candidates has introduced an illegal scheme for sale of indulgences on campus to help students who are frequently caught on the wrong side of the law. Our team has found conclusive documents which outline this scheme for indulgences.

The schemes involves selling letters of pardon signed by the relevant authorities which could then be used by those purchasing them in times of need. Indulgences are planned to be sold in the following categories:

1. Abuse of banned substances - Rs 3000/-
• Allows entry into campus in inebriated state. Valid for one use.
• Alternatively allows owner to smuggle in 2 litres of hard liquor into campus. Valid for one use.
2. Possession of Motorized Vehicles - Rs 5000/-
• Permits possession of any motorized vehicle for any contiguous 24 hour period.
3. Unauthorized use of Dark and Isolated Places - Rs 1000/- 
• Allows bearer to roam around in any dark and isolated place for 4 unearthly hours starting from time mentioned on the indulgence.

The said candidate has come up with many unique initiatives in order to help those with special needs.

1. Happy Hours Pack
• Type 1 indulgences can be used twice if entry is between 12 noon - 8pm
2. Treat Extravaganza
• 30 Type 1 indulgences for the price of 15. Allowing your treats to reach greater highs.
3. Season Ticket
• Type 2 indulgence valid for one whole semester at the low low price of 2 lakhs. 
4. Casanova Special
• Special Type 3 indulgences valid for 5 offences if caught with different members of the opposite sex on each occasion at a very economical Rs 2000/-
5. Hell Raiser
• 10 indulgences of each type for Rs 50,000. Go ahead let all hell break loose.

The authorities wish to remind the students that the following scheme is illegal and is not endorsed by the 2011 Election Team. We solemnly urge you to help us bring this errant candidate to book. Our team has tried hard to discern the identity of the candidate but our anonymous tipster refuses to reveal this crucial information fearing a threat to his safety.

In case of any information related to the same please send us a mail at fakeelectionofficer@gmail.com

Any information leading to successful capture of the said candidate will be rewarded with a Hell Raiser permit.

Constitution Ammendment: Rakhi ka Insaaf!

11th March, 2011

IIT Bombay Campus

Through a few well placed taps, it has come to our notice that a hurried amendment to SAC constitution was attempted before this year's General Elections. The current election system still allowed for perfect ties, the new ammendments were to allow for a fair resolution of such situations. According to the new rules in case of a perfect tie, Rakhi Sawant would cast the deciding vote.

A few objections were raised on account of Rakhi Sawant not being a member of the student community. However an amicable conclusion was reached when it was explained to everyone that this would be the only way to fairly resolve the tie, "Kyunki Usne Duniya Dekhi Hain"

Unfortunately it seems that this revolutionary proposal has been held back due to bureaucratic red tape. Further investigations have not revealed the exact time frame in which this proposal will fructify.

Despite repeated attempts to contact her, Rakhi Sawant was unavailable for comment.

Shocking News: Sakshi Jain and Ramanjit Singh Anand are the SAME person

11th March, 2011

IIT Bombay Campus

Recent investigations have revealed shocking irregularities in the 2011 Institute Elections. For the first time in the history of the campus the same candidate has stood under two assumed names under for the same post. Sources reveal that the two candidates standing for the post of General Secretary of Academic Affairs, Ramanjit Singh Anand and Sakshi Jain are one and the same person.

Political experts on campus say this might be the most path-breaking strategy employed in the history of general elections. A prominent political science major who refuses to be named says, "Although highly effective this strategy is not really novel. The candidate has just replicated the age old British Divide and Conquer approach." Unconfirmed rumors suggest that in reality this is just another Computer Science trick that Sakshi-Ramanjit (S-R) learned through one of its more CSE inclined campaign managers.

Some of S-R's Physics Department friends our team interviewed claimed that they had been suspecting this ever since their first Modern Physics course. "It's very clear when you look at it mathematically. Just think of it as a wave-function that collapses into either Sakshi or Ramanjit every time you try to observe it." say one fourth year Engineering Physics student.

Nonetheless a majority of the campus residents we interviewed exclaimed relief at this new revelation. "Now that they are the same person it really doesn't matter who I really vote for", says one hapless freshie. The more enterprising lot has already thought of ways to profiteer from this new information. "We can easily get into the good books of the TA's on either side of this election", said another freshman as he tried hard to suppress his wide grin .

If you have any insider information on any matter related to General Elections 2011 you can contact us at fakeelectionofficer@gmail.com